Mood: Aggravated. I hate when stuff disappears
Listening to: O Saathiya Mere Sathiya – Shaan and Shreya Ghoshal
Daddy G and I were hanging out with the daughters one afternoon when some strange noises started coming from our room. I dislike strange noises, so I went to investigate. There, sitting on my curtain rod, happy as pie, (or as happy as you can imagine one being or appearing) was a pigeon. We have glass sliding doors that the owner was too cheap to put screen doors on and somehow, this pigeon mistook the open door for an invitation to come on in and get comfy.
Before I became a Bangalore girl, I lived in New York for almost 7 years. You don’t live in NY that long without some things sticking. One of those things is a hatred for pigeons. A New Yorker joke: What’s the only thing worse than a rat with wings (our slang for pigeons)? An actual New York rat. Shudder. I hate rats too. New York pigeons are dirty, filthy birds that spread dirt and pestilence wherever they go. They eat garbage and tend to live in huge groups. The pigeons here love my apartment complex. What’s not to love? 20 bajillion ledges for them to roost on and a nice blue pool in the middle to drink out of and crap next to. Jeezy Parcheesi I hate pigeons. I am FOREVER chasing them off the porches and windowsills. I need some plastic owls or a hunting hawk. That would be awesome. This was more than crossing the line, this was thumbing the pigeon’s nose at the line and then crapping in my general direction.
“Oh it’s on pigeon, it’s on.” I mumbled as I tried to shoo it out. I wasn’t about to touch the nasty little thing with my bare hands and end up with bird mites or plague or some crazy thing like that, so I had to resort to chasing it around the room. Besides, its beak looked sharp and it had those round red eyes with a tint of insanity. I wasn’t taking chances. It was a very stupid (read smart) pigeon that somehow just “forgot” where the huge open glass door was a few seconds earlier. Have you ever tried to shoo a fly out a window when it’s dark outside? They will fly everywhere EXCEPT at the dark open window, even if you almost force them out. It’s like similar polar forces – repellant! Same principal with this silly pigeon.
We shooed the shrieking jumping children out of the room because we really didn’t need them covered in bird feathers, mites, and crap either. Daddy G and I pretty much cornered it with outstretched hands next to the screen door and tried to shoo it outside. We lost ground when Daddy G insisted on stopping for a minute to turn off the ceiling fan in case the bird flew up into it. He’s nonviolent like that, I really didn’t care.
The pigeon took that very opportunity to careen crazily around the room because our arms were no longer in the way. He ironically flew into my mirror because it was reflecting the open sliding door. He settled in an opposite corner and shot us the evil eye for not letting him sit on the curtain rod and crap all over my curtains.
We again slowly backed him towards the screen door. I guess the pigeon figured we meant business, because it slowly backed out the door before careening crazily off to sit on a ledge somewhere. I was totally ready to volleyball spike that bird out the screen door if he tried flying around the room again.
The Indian wildlife – it does not like me. This is the second pigeon attack I’ve had since December. The other one involved a pigeon flying out of a dark cave we were checking out and colliding with my legs with so much force I almost fell over. I need a BB gun.